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Burning Man

So...after two years of planning and prepping, I've finally went to and have returned from Burning Man.

There's been a great deal that has happened while out there, and yet I feel like I did practically nothing of any significance that is worthy of what would be considered a Burning Man experience.

The drive away from the event on Monday was of me feeling sickly and full of "I hate this feeling of nausea" sobbing. I'm realizing it was mostly of my feelings of "yeah I'm leaving this dusty mess and anxiousness of going home" that really had me on and off crying.

I do have some things that were great our there. It wasn't all a waste, really. I think at this moment that my head is really having trouble with re-entry to reality camp.  I can see now why people are more than desperate to go back out for so many years in a row. There is just SO much to see and participate in that one visit really is just not sufficeint. I hate seeing the pics of the art that required participation to really get it that I did not actually get up close and personal with. The lotus flower art piece was an art piece that you had to come up and actually touch it so that the flower would light up in rhythm with your heartbeat. I saw it from a distance and thought the colors were wonderful...but failed to remember the interactive part of that art piece...so failed to participate as I should have to really understand and feel what this art was really about.

Oiy...such a crybaby I have become. Hoping that soon I'll finally remember the good that did happen there and use that to reprogram my brain back into the state of "having fun whenever and wherever I can find it".

Darwin needs to step up it's game...

An idiot on FB decided that while camping in a park, he figured out a way to circumvent the "no wood fires allowed".  So he makes a vegetable oil grease fire instead.  

I responded with "So, in rebellion you created a fire that can't be put out quickly by throwing water on it. Nice."

He didn't get it. :(

Not grown up

Had a thought this morning in between the multiple jabs of my fingers hitting the snooze button..."the reason I am having trouble with accepting that my child is able to survive world as an adult is because I don't even feel like an adult!!"

The last few months I've been noticing that I still think like I did when I was in highschool.  Heck, I even react to many situations and people like I did back in highschool.  This isn't neccessarily a bad thing, I have noticed that I have had nice adult level revelations and inner brain/heart discoveries.  Even my intense need to make this world a more fairer and balance of powers has driven me the last year or so.  One of these days I will have a sit down with Tyr. :)

I've also noticed that adults my age and even older are practically doing the same thing.  Especially when I went to my family reunion where not only was I NOT relegated to the kids table, but hearing the stories of my Aunts & Uncles and my successful ending to a confrontation with one of my Uncles; I've discovered, we ARE all teenagers trying to find the party.  It's weird feeling.  The whole older and wiser thing...????

I don't feel adult.  The responsibilites changed, but really...mow lawn because Dad said do it - mow lawn because housing association said do it...do homework because teaches said do it - make quotas at work because bosses said do it...doing chores to and keeping good grades to keep us from losing privaliges - pay bills to keep from losing "privaliges".    We are still teenagers!  The types of responsibilites have changed and yet not changed.  I can see the point of becoming a hermit off the grid...more opportunities to party.  

Seeing this video this morning after this heavy thinking did nothing to make me think any differently. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=LwmbUzMViiU  

Ummmm...

I went outside in front yard to turn off the snow globe for last time (will take down after work tomorrow). I looked into sky and saw half moon in horizontal position that well, to put bluntly, freaked me the fuck out!!!! In all my memory, half moon at any given hour was at partial vertical...never perfect horizontal. And with the whole thing of "Earth has shifted and moon is in different position"...suddenly I'm seeing it???? So, I try to look up pics of "Central Tx Half Moon position" online. My Googlefoo sucks. Didn't find conclusive images to back up my conspiracy-theoried mind, of course. But I did find this: http://www.riseearth.com/2011/12/shaumbra-symptoms-twelve-signs-of-your.html
 I read article and there are some hits for me. Biggest that blew my mind was the neck pain. For the last 4 days my neck has been feeling like I've just experienced whiplash. Even with work stress over 2yrs now...suddenly I'm having neck pain that has actually made me use the Hitachi Wand for it's "pretended" purpose. 
On New Year's Eve, I had a friend go ahead and read some cards...I just wanted a one card wonder and somehow when I pulled that one card, two more tagged along with it. All three talked about family. Another sign mentioned in this article was family & friends. The cards said I focus and therefore not through selfish means keep my family and friends, but keep them because we're just that strong together. :D
Have had crazy inner sadness. Will continue to fix. :)
Actually looking for job/career change...would rather have it recognized soon enough to not be jolted by that crazy ride of "suddenness". You know??
My dreams have been more intense...will pay attention more.
Pretty sure everyone has noticed, especially Hubby, my talking with myself.
Little at odds with the no passion...Physical passion has decreased :( *working on it*, but passion to escape current career situation and passion for costumes/masks have increased...well, last month or so that has decreased, but I consider that "artist's block". 
Longing to go home...NOPE. Longing for a just world on this planet Earth...YES! And maybe that's what last paragraph is trying to say. I'm not leaving...next tour of duty is not only signed up for, but for the one after that and the one after that and the one after that and...etc...etc...etc...:D

 oh and forgot to mention the sign of "being a teacher". Come'on Universe... I'm working on that, ok? Just have to figure out the starting point...as you keep trying to teach me...have patience! ;)


downgrading of our brain power

We're downgrading ourselves!!!!  The becoming more evolved and therefore smarter of the human race is being reversed.  My example proof: touch typing.  

Our education used to have higher levels...now...not so much.  A simple thing of touch typing equals a type of instinct that worked.  But now we have this thing of flat screen typing without feedback becoming more and more prevalent.  In recent years, I've noticed people typing in ways that wasn't touch typist style.  Ok, so they didn't learn the typical typing keyboard.  So, they were still typing without watching their fingers.  My father was a programmer and let me tell you, thought their typing wasn't typical typing words...they were still touch typists.  Now...though...with the whole flat surface typing thing becoming more and more prominent, I'm wondering...is the taught instinctual typing gone????  Hubby just pointed out that nobody types touch wise, but watch their fingers.  The flat non-feedback typing just emphasizes that everyone watches their fingers, which in turn slows us down in our typing whatever our thoughts are trying to spew out.  Is that really making things better for human evolution????


P.S.  Extra tipsy, but I'm really believing we're being steadily dumbed down. :( :(

Fetlife...Poly & Kinky comment

So...I'm on Poly & Kinky group list on Fetlife and someone asked about if there were anyone who is Occupy Wallstreet supporters.  There were a lot of "yes'" and there were a couple of "no's".  And there were, of course, a couple of "what a waist of time...they should be protesting Congress."  This was my comment..

Yes, I support Occupy Wall Street and my city's Occupy Austin. I am poly, kinky, pagan and a nudist. My viewpoint and reasoning for participating, and yes, I HAVE participated, is to get economic equality back for EVERYONE and for my child who will soon be going to college and I want to help make sure that she will actually have a well paying job upon graduating. The whole "willing to work for it"...have you not actually SEEN what's happening???? All these college students that are graduating with their parent's voices in the back of there minds saying "you don't want to be a burger boy now do you?" or "you don't want to be working as a blue collar bum, do you??" So, they went to college to be upper middle class employees. However, all THOSE jobs got outsourced overseas!!!! So...are you saying that all our college graduates should be going overseas to get a job???? As for protesting Congress...do you really blame the Muppets for the movie or the puppeteers?

The other reason I support OWS is because it's also about the right to freedom of speech and the pursuit of happiness...NOT your happiness, but my personal happiness in whatever form I pursue it. No, I won't make a march into a circus, but I will make sure that any reporter that actually dares to speak to me know that I'm as diverse in mind and spirit and as accepting as I feel OWS has led me to believe It is.

My opinion, take it as you will...

 So, I went to Occupy Austin today to get the lay of the land and see what I need to do to get Little One involved and keep her safe. Heck...to keep both of us safe. I get there and there's maybe 3 other women, one of them totally was another panhandler, and all others are panhandlers. Not homeless...but panhandlers. There is a difference. And, at this point Occupy Austin has been stolen by panhandlers. Austin is rife with them...just look at any major intersection corner!! In fact, after I ran away from City Hall I actually looked at each street corner and saw quite a few of the popular corners..empty. Because Austin said you "can legally sleep at city hall". And I came to inspect the situation the morning after. My bad. There was barely 30 people there and at least 25 of them were obvious panhandlers. Please don't get me wrong, though I know some of you will, I am in support of helping the homeless and helping them achieve their American Dream. But panhandlers???? Their American Dream is guilting people out of their petty cash on the streets. Austin is KNOWN for this horrifically large population of panhandlers. This frustrates me!!!! The ONLY possible reason they can claim they are hurting from the economic recession is because there are fewer people on the corners that HAVE petty cash to give. I admit...I felt uncomfortable and freaked out and very sad. Where the fuck is the protesters?? I mean...come on...this is not only a college town, but one of THE most progressive college cities in Texas???? My hope is this Saturday will bring more attendants and will actually have a true protest. I'm against corporation greed and corporatocracy and I want a future for my Little One that doesn't equal her living as a slave. That's my "what is their message?" response!!!!

MEME's YEAH!!!! - 100 things

  Things I haven't done are in bold.

1. had sex.
2. bought condoms.
3. gotten pregnant.
4. failed a class.
5. kissed a boy.
6. kissed a girl.
7. used a little paper bag for lunch.
8. had a job.
9. slipped on ice.
10. missed the school bus.
11. left the house without my purse.
12. bullied someone on the internet.
13. sexted.
14. had sex in public.
15. played on a sports team.
16. smoked weed.
17. smoked cigarettes.
18. smoked a cigar.
19. drank alcohol
20. watched "The Breakfast Club"
21. been overweight.
22. been underweight.
23. had an eating disorder.
24. been to a wedding.
25. made fun of someone for being fat.
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight.
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight.
28. been late for work.
29. been late for school.
30. kissed in the rain.
31. showered with someone else.
32. failed my drivers test.
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes.
34. been outside my home country.
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours.
36. had lice.
37. gotten fired.
38. had a credit card.
39. been to a professional sports game.
40. broken a bone.
41. been unhappy about my weight.
42. won a trophy.
43. cut myself=accidental: yes...on purpose: ummm...your kink is ok...just not mine.
44. had an STD.
45. got engaged.
46. been on a diet.
47. tried out to be on a tv show...weeelllll...was part of movie that they were hoping it could be turned into a TV series.
48. rode in a taxi.
49. been to prom.
50. played a drinking game.
51. stayed up for 24 hours or more.
52. been to a concert.
53. had a three-some.
54. had a crush on someone of the same sex.
55. been in a car accident.
56. had braces.
57. learned another language.
58. killed an animal. (Squirrels insist on using my car as a method of suicide).
59. been at a yard sale.
60. been to a Japanese steakhouse.
61. worn make up.
62. talked to someone via webcam.
63. lost my virginity before I was 16.
64. had my wisdom teeth taken out.
65. kissed someone a different race than myself.
66. snuck out of the house.
67. bought porn.
68. had a virus on my computer.
69. had oral sex.
70. dyed my hair.
71. gone skinny dipping.
72. graduated from college.
73. worn someone else's clothes.
74. voted in a presidential election.
75. rode in an ambulance.
76. rode in a helicopter.
77. caught the stove on fire.
78. got in a fight.
79. met someone famous.
80. been on vacation.
81. been on an airplane.
82. been on a boat.
83. broken something expensive.
84. had surgery.
85. kissed someone before I was 14.
86. beat a video game.
87. found something valuable on the ground.
88. made a survey.
89. stalked someone on facebook/myspace.(Ok... I do look up exes from time to time, but mostly just because I'm insanely curious)
90. prank called someone.
91. been to a library outside of school.
92. spent over $100 shopping in one day.
93. cut my hair and hated it.
94. peed outside.
95. went fishing.
96. helped with charity.
97. taken a pregnancy test.
98. been rejected by a crush.
99. been suspended from school.
100. broken a mirror.